I’m gonna keep it a buck, I wanna be more like Lamott than Dila. But unfortunately I am Dila, if Dila’s style was taken to the extreme. See like Lamott I have a shit ton of voices in my head on the daily telling me how much I suck, am a failure, will never amount to anything, etc. Just the whole self loathing gambit, and non of those voices are louder then when I want to do something I love.
The blog posts for me are more like my shitty first draft. Just my on going stream of thought while my head phones are in my ears both drowning out and soothing the voices with lofi music.
I can’t always achieve this state when I work. I spend a lot of time overthinking, over analyzing, and generally beating the ever loving shit out of myself. It’s not healthy, and for someone who is creative, not conducive to the process of creating. If I’m killing my story before it begins, shredding my pages because I simply can not accept the idea of a “shitty first draft”, then those characters sit around in my head waiting to have their stories told, and eventually they become part of those angry, mean, and cruel voices.
I agree with Dila, write how you want, write how you like. I think the only time I am able to do that is when it’s crunch time. Typically at least. I have written essays hours before they are due. I have put down out lines in advance, and then day of wrote a stream of consciousness with only the outline to keep me on track, like a literal road. I have then gone back and taken out all the rants, the curses, the tangents and cleaned it all up and made it flow. When I have done this it has worked in my favor. But if I try to do it any other way, or if there are other things going on in my life that turn it into a series of down ward spirals in that moment, then stream of conciseness is hard for me to achieve. I have to work harder to shut the voices up. The first draft is a slog for me, and I honestly think it shouldn’t be.
On my best days I am a mixture of both. Those days are my favorite. Those days remind me its ok to have a “Shitty draft”.
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